I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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