i permit you to call me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
