I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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