I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
