I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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