one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
