nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
