just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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