Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
