i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
