the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
