I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
