you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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