I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
