dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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