i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
