I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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