the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
