The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We have started to decorate penises.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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