so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
