So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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