Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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