I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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