dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
