I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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