I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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