K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
