jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm passing your future prison.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I need moral support for this bender
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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