i used baking grease as lip gloss
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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