You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
my liver is dry heaving
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
