I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
