i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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