Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
