I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
