I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm at about main and main street
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
