My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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