everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
