he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When are your genitals available?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
