she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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