...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i out mim tonsoeep
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