If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
