took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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