Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
