I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
