Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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