Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
