Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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