This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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