No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
