I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
