do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
