FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
