my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
