I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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