Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
