i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
