We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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